The Economic Devastation Wrought by Parents withholding Children
I shield my child because I am afraid of emotional outbursts. I cannot control my emotions, so I create barriers impossible for my child to climb over. I say it is out of love when it is in fact out of spite.
You are not a good person for leaving us. I do not feel safe around you. Why did you destroy our family structure so you could pursue your personal life? You walked out on us, so I am walking out on you. I do not want to be friends because you hurt me too much.
These are self-serving comments and thoughts.
THE IRONY OF A CUSTODIAL PARENT’S TRUTH
There is an aura of truth to each one of these comments. Emotions are powerful influences. In each statement truth applies. The interpersonal relationship between two former lovers may feature truths of hurt, betrayal or emotional neglect. The fact these elements hold true for two former lovers often prevents one or both from “getting over it”.
There is irony in this truth. The irony is this truth makes future relationships with the child destructive. The truth of the custodial parent who limits continual contact is false to the child.
The truth of the child is not and never will be the truth of former lovers.
While it is true distance, lack of communication and time will heal wounds of a custodial parent; these very actions inflict wounds on the child. Some wounds never heal but it doesn’t mean its okay to create new ones for your child as a result.
The self-perceived truth of a parent choosing to limit continual contact with a child becomes a fallacy to their duty. The fallacy applies to the very duty which the custodial parent is charged. Their charge is violated.
All parents are charged with protecting, preserving, and fostering a strong emotional support for their children.
Removing opportunity to spend time with one parent on a continual basis destroys the emotional state of a child.
The custodial parent rationalizes it is healthier for them to not co-parent, not allow the former lover to shared functions or be welcome in their new home daily.
These actions do not benefit the child. These actions benefit the custodial parent. The child is subordinate to the parent. The child’s feelings are marginalized in benefit of the parent’s feelings. This action is by definition, “Failing to put your child first.”
The child becomes victim to a custodial parent’s self-healing. There is more irony in thinking your healing process is for the sake of your child.
A custodial parent’s self-healing becomes the very basis for selfishness.
For selfishness will always be acting for your sole benefit at the expense of others when other options exist. Do you think this is an opinion only? Let’s see real results, by the numbers.
REAL IMPACTS FOR SELF HEALING DECISIONS
When a woman chooses to alienate her former lover, real impacts occur on the household. Spurning friendship and a helping hand has its cost.
In 2016, the median income for single mother households was only $35,400, and is less than half of the $85,300 earned by married couples.
59% of single mother-led families are on SNAP program and 45% of all children with single moms receive food stamps.
Families with single moms currently make up 60% of all the homeless families in the country, something no single mom wants her children to experience.
The average family spends $233,610, or about $14,000 annually, to raise one child from birth to the age of 18. The cost of center-based childcare averages between 30% and 40% of the median income of a single mom depending on the age of her child.
Non-white men increasingly do not want to raise another man’s child. 77% of adopted children went to households with “White Mothers” in 2017. Single led mother households have higher father absence frequency. Absence leads to lack of child supervision from a nurturing parent. Only about one third single mother children graduate from college; one sixth do not complete high school.
Research illustrates adolescents of single-parent households are more prone to delinquent behaviors, including drug and alcohol use (Amato and Keith, 1991; Amey and Albrecht, 1998; Barrett and Turner, 2006; Bjarnason et al., 2003a; Eitle, 2006; Hoffman, 2002; Selnow, 1987).
LESSONS FROM THE RESULTS
High value men are hunters amongst lions. The truth is high value men are eaten if they do not kill that which opposes them. I am a hunter. I hunt only what can kill me. The wilderness is harsh.
The quest for resources is not without conflict. In this hunt men cannot forget the ones who love us. We must make time when away to keep a continual line of communication. Limiting contact in the interest of conquest will decimate your child’s emotional state of being. Men you can be away, but you must always come home.
I am in this world but not of this world. This reality is terrible, but I do not deny it with illusion. I do not like violence, but I will gladly embrace it if it means confronting reality. Self-help books do not help to deny that which is true. I am not a dreamer. I am a realist. My family counts on me to be one. Lofty goals are my reality, but I am not delusional.
Equally important is high value women understand a great friend is not their husband.
Women a high value husband is charged with providing everything you need, desire and more. A high value husband supports his wife as a grown adult.
A great friend is charged with helping through hard times & assisting when they can. A great friend does not ask their friend to support them as a grown adult.
I know no friends who will offer me rent every month for the rest of my life. I am betting no woman does either. Paying non child bills for the rest of a woman’s life is an obligation of a woman’s husband or father not her friend.
It is often a culture shock for women when a former husband wants to only be a great friend. Most women scorn the relationship as an insult. The suggestion is a demotion and jealousy ruins great friendships. It is a deep ego bruise to most women when a man who provided everything says he is no longer willing to perform this responsibility.
So many women lash out with outrageous claims of spousal support and child support. Some manufacture falsehood to get what they want. Women must understand changing a relationship is not abandonment. Helping is not an insult it is a sign of respect. High value men will always support their children and they always help friends monetarily. Use the law for abandonment not hurt or feelings of rejection.
THE BOTTOM LINE
This truth is necessary to preserve one that matters most…your child. Failing to come to this conclusion means your child is 1. More likely to be poor, 2. More likely to drop out of school, 3. More likely to use drugs, 4. More likely to go into significant debt and 5. More likely to suffer from emotional trauma.
You do not have to agree with me, but you must recognize facts support you are most likely contributing to your child’s failure. At best your stacking the odds against them unnecessarily.
Do not point to the one exception as the basis for your decision. Recognize the multitudes who were mired in failure due to those who lacked strength to choose the hard path. The hard path is friendship despite divorce and hurt.
Is it that hard to move past transgressions to forge a future progression? What is more important? Proving me wrong or making your child, right?
To your knowledge success!
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Entrepreneur. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 14-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), Master Financial Planner (MFP) and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination. Christopher also has his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 29 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 8.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
Disclaimer: This information is not meant to be a form of investment advice or financial advice. Do not apply this situation to your own personal circumstance. Various risks include: business risk, investment risk, political risk, and other risks. This information is for informational and educational purposes only. Please do not reach out to the author for any investment strategies or philosophies. Please consult your own financial advisor or legal advisor for your own circumstance. Not a recommendation or endorsement of any kind.