A person who you love is cherished. A person who knows you intimately is knowledgeable. A person that is a true partner helps you in every aspect of your life. Many in business look to spousal support in their business. Spousal support is a great bedrock to build a business foundation. Sometimes relationships suffer personally and when they do it affects business.
There comes a time where people agree to separate and when they do obligations persist. How can a person maintain professionalism in business when undergoing the stresses of a divorce?
I am not an expert, but I can offer my firsthand insight.
All relationships built on respect sustain themselves. Often people discuss love but are erratic with each other. Emotions run high and blood boils. Words are exchanged and sometimes physical alterations ensue. Before me and my new ex wife agreed to divorce this never happened.
I never cursed, hit, or intentionally insulted her. She has never known the word b**** or c*** from my mouth.
Have I been frustrated? Of-course. I knew frustration through ten years of our relationship. So did she. No party was perfect. What person doesn’t get upset at their spouse? Through my respect for her I always recognized some important points. I recognized 1. I was talking to a person (sounds simple doesn’t it), 2. I recognized she had independent thoughts and was entitled to voice them, and 3. I never viewed her as a possession (my wife, my woman, my thing).
These elements of my behavior created a framework for respect. People who respect each other find common ground. Even in the toughest of situations two people can work though hard feelings.
In a divorce setting respect is the basis for fair treatment.
FAIR IS FAIR
Fair is fair period. If someone builds something with you view them as your partner. Your partner is a person who truly supports you. This is not a “split everything down the middle thing” and go your separate ways. Hurt people do that. Emotionally driven people do this.
Fair means you recognize genuine love and mutual respect. You don’t hurt people you respect and love. You find ways to help them be a better version of themselves. Sometimes getting there means you continue to help them past your marriage. If you truly love someone it is about more than moving on. Arrogance and ego prevent people from seeing this truth.
This is what I try to do. It’s tough to have emotional maturity. It’s tough to feel something but know the feelings are not the deciding factor about what is right. Ego is what prevents you from helping a person you were once intimate with be the best version of themselves. It’s ego that destroys a good relationship because they decide to be romantic with someone else.
It’s immaturity and insecurity that fuels jealousy.
Fair is treating the person as they should be treated. Don’t penalize a person for growing in ways that doesn’t involve your intimacy. This is selfish and will not help in your professional settings. Business can be very personal. When you involve your partner in business it’s important to personally treat them well.
FEELING THE FEELINGS
No one is a robot. We all have feelings. Sometimes I sit at my desk and feel like a giant hole is in my heart. I feel it. I tell myself to embrace it and then it will pass. I can focus on something else once I go through this emotional cycle. I don’t languish in self pity or dwell on what causes me to feel empty.
I am going through a divorce and it sucks. The only thing is, I know this is not my permanent state of being. I will not run away from the feelings, but I will not dwell in them either.
Every person has an emotional cycle. First you feel shock and you try to fix it. When it cannot be fixed you become angry. After anger passes you become depressed. Through depression you find acceptance. Once you accept the facts of life you have peace. Once you have “peace of mind” you find happiness again.
This is the state of all human beings. The quicker you recognize it, embrace it and experience it — the faster you can become clear headed. My emotional cycle is much quicker than other people but the speed of my emotional cycle doesn’t mean it’s not there. The speed just means I’m willing to accept things faster than others. This helps me move on. That doesn’t make me cold it makes me even keel.
If you are fortunate enough to have treated your partner with respect, are focused on being fair (truly not just give someone 50% and write them off) and embrace your feelings the business side will not be complicated. The easiest discussions in my divorce were about money. This is rare but not impossible. I still love the woman that was once my wife. I just realize that love needs to be expressed in another way. You can get there too. Just remember sometimes love is expressed differently. Put your ego aside and learn to express your love the right way. Your partner will love you back and help you though your struggle.
To your knowledge success!
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Entrepreneur. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 14-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), Master Financial Planner (MFP) and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license. Christopher also has his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 29 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 7.5mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.