There should be a goal to every debate. Every word exchanged should yield a result. The result should center around productivity, constructive criticism and mutual enlightenment. Often many allow emotions to dictate their words and actions. In many instances I engaged in dialogue where the only result was for the other to insult me and then stand triumph as the victor.
What was the conclusion to talking me down to no response? Nothing. The person usually just wanted to say, “See I’m right.”
When I realize there is no goal to a conversation I typically stop talking. I will politely excuse myself from the conversation and ask for the check.
This is what I did last night.
It is a waste of time to exhaust your energy convincing someone when the person 1) applies no value to your end goal, 2) will not participate in your end goal as a team member, or 3) will not contribute to the process of your end goal.
If a person will not help you staffing your company do not argue the merits of how to staff your company. If a person will not assist you in decision making processes do not solicit them for decision making techniques. If a person is not intended to be your wife do not debate them on how they would be a great wife in your life.
Soliciting an opinion from third parties is a sign of wisdom. Obtaining an opinion (whether you agree with it or not) is good for prospective. Considering the source of where the opinion derives from shows good discernment.
A bartender can offer you prospective as a bartender. There is validity in the bartender’s prospective but not to the extent the bartender should directly embed with you as your life partner. Life partners advise how to handle the most important decisions of your life perpetually. Life is full of obstacles, struggle and conflict.
Your life partners need to be your battle buddies. You need a battle buddy who is hardened with experience, resources to help you succeed and knowledge to reveal pitfalls about situations that apply exclusively to you. There is no time for guesswork in war.
War is nothing but conflict. Life is full of conflict so you need people who will be generals. Who you make generals in your life determines your success. It is foolish to promote a private to general instantly. There is a reason for hierarchy and purpose for promotion processes. Life is a process that promotes us based on who and what we interact with. The private is just as important as the general but each has their place.
Never fail to allow a private to become general but neither give a private an instant promotion because of character.
DON’T ARGUE TO CONVINCE
It is no one’s job to convince another person they should agree with their viewpoint. Becoming offended a person fails to agree with your views is a sign of egoism. Insulting someone because they fail to agree with you can cost you a good relationship.
Words carry prices. In American culture we are taught freedom of speech. Often this freedom is misconstrued as “I can say whatever I want, and it does not matter.”
This assumption is both incorrect and foolish. Words matter.
Respect is a vital characteristic of positive relationships. The moment a person calls another person a name, simply for not agreeing with them there is no respect. Being disrespected for no reason other than failing to agree is a toxic sign. I discard toxic immediate and cut it from my life instantly.
I do not call people names for failing to see my viewpoint. I may disagree with people who fail to see my viewpoint, but I do not demonize them for lack of agreement. If disagreements are too numerous with people who do not see my viewpoint, we may not have a harmonious relationship. Lack of harmony equals chaos in a relationship with another; therefore, it may be best to not have a relationship.
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
Failing to forge a relationship does not mean the other person is wrong; rather, it means you do not have compatibility with that person. The only people who are offended by a person declining a relationship with them based on compatibility are those that have egos.
There exist no universal law compelling people to stay with each other perpetually. People are not possessions to be owned. Respect the fact a person may want to end a relationship with you positively.
Part of meeting people is to discover if compatibility exists. Upon discovery no compatibility exists there is nothing negative with wishing the person the best and moving on. Many people take respectful separation as negative rejection. Do not feel rejected if a person is not compatible with you. Thank the person for respecting your time and not wasting any more of it. If a person sits down with you, explains their differences and how they want to peacefully transition (or end) respect it. Continuing to take shots or throw name calling is a sign of bad character traits. These bad character traits include: lack of self-control, weakness, emotional instability, selfishness and egoism. These traits will rot out any productive relationship. Cut the bad out of the apple before it takes hold to rot out the entire apple.
I hope these words find encouragement for those who think they are rejected but in fact were respected. Don’t take incompatibility as rejection but as a form of enlightenment and respect.
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About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Entrepreneur. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 14-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), Master Financial Planner (MFP) and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license. Christopher also has his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 29 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 7.5mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.